Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize