i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
