dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
