im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
