wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
