It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
