I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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