Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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