I need help removing her.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
