I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
