please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
