worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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