I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need water and some morals
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
