Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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