I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
