You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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