I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
