when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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