you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
