And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
