Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize