Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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