I need help removing her.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
