Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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