Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
