Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
