So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
