the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
