I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
