I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize