Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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