PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
