Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
