he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
