We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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