I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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