worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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