sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
