I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
