Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
