you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
