my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
