Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
