I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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