I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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