If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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