Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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