They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
