He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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