She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize