it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
