The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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