A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
