I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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