i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
