I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Congratulations! We have a period
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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