please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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