remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
