Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
