Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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