Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
