Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
