I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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