I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
