smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
