Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
