how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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