I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
