oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
