So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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