Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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