She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
