hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Alive.
So much puke
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
