Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
