doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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