i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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