she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
