Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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