what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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