I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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