like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
