There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
